My Boifriend Is Muslim.
I have been dating him for about a year and never once has he pushed his religion on me or..
even metioned it to me.
That is wonderful, because im the kind of person who waits armed and ready for the chance to combat religion and argue every reason why organized religion isnt right..how it is judgemental and Harsh. How God didnt want us to get caught up in condeming others.
I waited and waited for the moment he would say something to me about it..so i could do my thing and make sure he knew how i felt about it.. but nothing. not even the sligthest remark.
I had been around muslims prior to us dating and knew the very very very basics of Islam.
It started to frustrate me that he wasnt saying anything about it.
So, I begun to ask my own questions, and lets be honest I wasnt just asking out of curiousity but more so to start the conversation so I could find the faults in Islam.
As condescending as I was...He took every question Seriously and answered it, With out ever talking down to me..but honestly trying to help me understand. and he would reassure me that it was ok that some stuff was weird for me because I didnt grow up with it.
I think this bothered me the most. The fact that I was being a rude and stuck up and he answered every question simply and with out an ounce of judgement in his voice.. It caught me off guard.... esspecially because I knew the kind of lifestyle I lead and where he grew up.
(The fact that he could answer my questions suprised me enough...Christians couldnt answer those question for the 19 years i had been asking)
He knew practically everything I had done and knew alot of things were completely against Islam.. and yet i still never felt judged.
I can not explain the kind of happiness this brings me.. I was raised Christian but not really. We went to church sometimes, my mother was open about alot of things. She told me it was ok to believe what ever i wanted,... so I believed everything... bits and pieces of it all. I never felt complete.. so, the one thing I clung to was not believing in organized religion. "many paths to the same destination" as my aunt told me. I still believe that... but not as much anymore.
I have been searching for "The Answers". We all are I suppose. I have been looking for.. well im not sure what but I felt like I would know when i found it.
Here I am..no religion having...no beliefe in anything.. preaching my beliefe in everything.. judging the world for there judgement...
Soap Box.
Hypocrite.
Looking at a man who has not said one condescending word to me.
and judging him..
One night we were sitting on the porch and it was the first time I didnt have my gaurd up while talking about religion... and I broke a little and said...
"I dont know what is right"
He replied with "I think you do, I just think that you are scared"
Ever since that moment I have no been able to stop thinking about Islam.
Asking questions..
Trying to further understand.
Reading.
While digging for the answers about Islam I found and am finding answers about myself.
Im thinking about converting...but that is one of the biggest commitments.
Im scared.
I have always thought of myself as a person who doesnt care what other people think and yet I fear telling people I want to convert because of the stigma and Judgement of Islam in America.
The more im thinking about it the more im beginning to not care. people will have there thoughts and there opinions.... And I will have God.
