Curious about the Addict Addicted to Addiction

Hi, My name is Alysia.. And I am an addict.
I am addicted to Cigarettes.
I am addicted to coffee.
I am addicted to Love.
I am addicted to the human condition.
I am addicted to Alcohol.

I have lived with addiction my entire life.

Not personally, with any addiction of mine, but more watching others live in their addictions.
It made me addicted to addiction.
Intrigued almost.

Im thrilled by the drive of an addict. And the beauty an addict sees.
The world is clearer once you have seen both sides of the spectrum.
The addict needs nothing but an addiction.
That support of something that is theirs and only theirs.

Truth is being raised by addicts, makes you an addicts. Some say that addiction is genetic, I'm not sure if i believe them..but f it is true.... well, then it is only logical that I am an addict.

If nothing else, when put in an environment full of addicts, we become curious. Curious to what the addiction feels like. Why it is so power full and why it is, sometimes, the only thing that can drive the addict.

Drugs. Sex. Music. Poetry. things that move you.. that make your head a little foggy and lessen the blow.
Easy to become addicted, not so easy to become Unaddicted.


I started my journey simply wanting to know.. wanting answers to things that had no direct question. Why? How? What is this? why wont it go away? How do you stop and start? WHY?

As we all know, why is never a question that is answered easy.. asking an addict why.. they will give you how it happened. What life events brought them to their addiction...How it spiriled out of control...how that became their control how they didnt want to lose control..


Facts.. well facts are not what i was looking for...
I needed someone to explain it deep and detailed. From the heart... I needed to know the feelings.. the goose bumbs.. the lost thoughts.. the tummy turning gut wrenching feeling of lack of.. and want for. That empty feeling....so empty that life and its daily trials begin being questioned. God being questioned. Lost in an addiction. Lost in a world full of people. And Needing the answers your self.


I could never get that through words. I wanted and need  to feel and expirence it first hand..

And it became my Addiction.... to be addicted and to find the answers to my questions.
Does that make sense.
to watch your own mother search for change to buy a drink. It changes you.
curiousity becomes and obsession. obessions turns into addiction
and my final thought is

maybe if i i am an adict They will love me.
If I am like them.. then we will be a real family

not the estranged family we have been. lies on top of lies masked in honest truths.
but raw. real. vulnerable.
maybe if they look at me as if i am a mirror of them then we will be our own version of normal.